Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

The Onion: Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace. Scary stuff:

WASHINGTON, DC—Following the tragic falling death of 32-year-old methamphetamine addict Phillip Diggs, who was reportedly attacked by spiders while scaling a large construction crane near Palo Alto, CA, thousands of outraged and confused meth addicts marched frenetically on Washington as part of a week of activities urging the federal government to address the nation's growing spider epidemic.